I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
