Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
