when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
