I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
