dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
