He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
