Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
