No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
