The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
