He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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