You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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