i'm lost and i look like a hooker
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My vagina is very pro this idea
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
