dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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