he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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