So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
