SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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