Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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