Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
