It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
