Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
