i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
