At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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