You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
