I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Let's get the cat blown out
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
