just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
