The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
