I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
