did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
