I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
whose parrot is this?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
