Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I met the friendliest cop last night
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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