Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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