Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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