Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
