i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
They have beer where we have blood.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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