Betty ford says i'm here all night
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
