I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i've created a new STD.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
