my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
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