No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Text me some of your sweat
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
