I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
