32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
