we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
