just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
why do cheetos always look like penises
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
