All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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