you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
