Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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