she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
