You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
