Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
