I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
