i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
