i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
