Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
