Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
