he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
my liver is dry heaving
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
